... Sad dae... wasnt so sad until the truth dawns on Marpig...
After volunteering everyth is still ok... went home, housekeeper was there... frenly and kind woman... chat after so long... very happy... tok bout her children etc... until topic becomes Marpigz dad...
Realised from housekeeper tt Marpigz dad was seldom at home... most often go overseas to places like Malaysia and Indonesia... also didnt sleep at home and occasionally will go to some hotels in Singapore with frens just to stay for the night... also discovered he went spa... coupled with the fact tt he had long hair now and had lotsa hawaii kinda shirts...
Felt so much like crying... the fact tt he did all this, splurge and waste $ like tt... going overseas is fine... but other than tt, everyth else arent necc... *tears*
Then went out meet fren... a fren whom Marpig always worries about but cant do much...
Late night... met with another fren... know another story... Marpig could only laugh it off... pretended Marpig wasnt too concern...
After sending fren home... on the road... driving... everyth sets in... realised... alot of ths has happened... dadz splurging of $ unknown to Marpig was already a big blow... coupled with the change of his image... ths happening and ths frens do...
*crying*
Smhow... there seems to be a feeling of lost... looking straight infront and at the traffic lights... Marpig turned into a secluded industry area in Jurong... unaware... blanked... kept asking wat happened... all the way home... wanted so much to cry to sm1... but... in the end... went home... back into the shell...
Was suddenly very sad... on friday, pri sch fren asked bout Marpigz sis... Marpig told her how Marpig has tolerated for the past 1 yr of screaming, shouting, etc.
Thinking Marpigz numbed... Was always very envious of this pri sch fren... shez got a very close relationship with her elder sis and little brothers... y cant Marpig has such a relationship with Marpigz sis? Itz been so long... guess itz just not meant to be...
Going home... was really happy then... but after seeing dadz new image... getting to know more and more ths... Marpig feels as though all are lost... Felt tt even dad has changed... felt tt Marpig no longer can understand the weird ths pple do, think, etc...
While Marpig is typing this sad blog, Marpigz dad called... Marpigz cant take it and burst out crying... ... ...
Told Marpigz dad Marpig feels like a stranger... felt tt everyth are not familiar anymore... Marpigz dad asked wat had happened... so Marpig told him everyth... he denies and said he isnt gonna employ tt aunty... but Marpigz told him she didnt do anyth wrong... she is only concerned... frankily, if tt aunty didn tell Marpig, Marpig wont have know anyth... so gonna make it clear to him when he comes back so tt hez not going to blame tt aunty...
Told him Marpig don like his long hair... told him tt makes him look like a stranger to Marpig... itz like, Marpig is not close to Marpigz sis already, now even Marpigz dad appears like a stranger...
sigh... tot after this 1 yr, Marpig has finally learnt to let ths go, has learnt to be indifference... guess Marpig only hide and curb all emotional feelings bottled up... subconsciously tot tt the world will not change in a yr... tot tt pple remains the same more or less... tot tt everyth is like wat Marpig tot it will be... but it aint tt way...
Never ever tot Marpig will cry in Singapore... and itz only the 1st week...
Once again... Marpig is thinking and going into the past... gosh... so Marpig cannot accept changes... no wonder Marpig never ever change since pri school... only in thinking...
sigh...
Understand tt every1 has our own life... but strange... Marpig often feels affected by the mood and etc of relatives and frens... itz like Marpig keeps feeling intensified feelings of others... why?
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